No sense in shedding tears over autism

It won't do any good.  But sometimes you just have to cry.  You have to let the sorrow out.

Yesterday I took the kids to the Science museum, met up with some a very good friend and her family.  It was the last day of an exhibit, and they wanted to see it.  So we get there, the kids and I were there first, so I took G in to the preschool exhibit.  Hand on stuff, exploring all aspects of science, with toys.  C and family arrived.  We chit chatted for a couple of minutes, and it was decided that it was time to see the exhibit. 

G was not leaving the area we were in.  So plans adapted, (the reoccurring story when you have children).  The older 2 get to go see the exhibit.  I stay down with G.  1 hour later, they are done with the exhibit, they find me.  Time for the 3D movie, Okay G lets go nope not happening G wasn't budging.  I handled the first time just fine, the second time made me sad.  Sad to the point the tears started flowing. Here I wanted to hang with a friend and I was stuck with my almost 4 year old who was being obstinate.  He could have cared less when I tried engaging him.  Wanted nothing to do with me.  Unless I was preforming a task he couldn't do he really had no use for me.  Then I thought really what is the use of crying.  Okay so I can't hang with my friend.  My child is behaving, he isn't screaming on the floor, not covering his ears saying to loud.  He is happy going from one area to another.

We did get him out of the room.  We were able to do a couple of areas. The last area, when he was done he just up and left the room.  He just left never looked to see if anyone was going to follow just left.  Again another time that I wanted to cry.  But this was his way of saying, HEY I have had enough.  Now get me out, or I will make you regret it.  So again no use in crying, just say your goodbyes and leave 

Religion

*gasp* I was willing to say the word out in public.

I use to envy people who had religion, or so I thought.  What I didn't understand was how I could feel like this.  I believe in a higher power.  I try my best to always choose the correct path, but damn sometimes those little branches in the path get in my way and I get side tracked.  But in the end I end up back on the correct path.  I teach my kids the basics.  We have morals.  We practice do unto others as you would have done unto you.  Yet I thought I was missing something.

It came to me I have religion in my own way.  What I was envying, was the fact people had a church.  They had the sense of community that I don't have.  One either Saturday nights or Sundays, they have a place to go to share their beliefs.  This is what I lack.  I have been to several churches and not one of them have ever stood out.  I didn't get warm fuzzies by entering.  People didn't notice that there was a new person standing in their midst.  I am not saying that I would go once and then never again.  Tried it a couple of times, same results. 

Maybe one day I will find the open arms I am seeking.  When I do then I know I have found what I am looking for.  Until that time, I will still look for opportunities to show my children the ways of being nice.  Helping someone out even if you don't know them.  Holding the door for strangers, because, it is nice. 

The future

When one has a kid that is not the stereotypical norm. One tends to worry about the future right. Well not so much for me. To me the future isn't will they live on their own, will they get married, and will they have kids. That is way too far out for me to think. Plus considering how well they can function right now. I know that those goals will be achieved if they so choose.

My future is more imminent, will G be in a regular class room. Will the school understand that he isn't a bad kid but has social issues? Will L understand the social norms in the next few years when it comes to girl peer relationships? Will she get angrier because the other girls can't understand that she is different?

Will M get her act together and not quite the minute something gets tough. M turns 16 this year eligible for working papers, eligible to get a real job, so no more if the going gets tough quitting. That just doesn't look good.

These are my thoughts for the future, these are my ponderings.

Girls on the spectrum

I found as my daughter got older the more defiant and oppositional she got.  At first we chalked it up to my husband and I getting married, her starting school, then me getting pregnant.  Then maybe hormones knocking at the door early.  But the older she got the more difficult she got.  It didn't interfere with her school work.  But socially she was floundering.

This past Feb as she was doing the valentine cards for her class, she made the comment, " I don't know why I am doing this, it isn't like anyone deserves a card from me." After I got over the shock of the statement, I asked for an explanation it was then I heard just how hard of a time she was having with her peers.  She was struggling emotionally and I didn't even know how bad it was.

So I find a counselor the first appointment was just me with lots of questions.  I filled it all out, and started the session talking about how L was up till this point.  By the end of the session the counselor said you know since your younger son is on the spectrum, I am betting she is.  I was dumfounded, she is normal, well as normal as one can be.  Sure there are issues, ok more than a few.  But still really, another child on the spectrum.  I went home to  Google land, and racking my brain.  Things start falling into place, and making more and more sense.

Her tactile issues, hating to walk in grass in bare feet.  Her insisting on separate utensils for foods on her plate.  Sensory issues to loud noises.  Excellent verbal skills from a young age.  And the animal obsessions.  Some things as she has gotten older have chilled out others have gotten worse.

Then I read on how since girls are such good mimickers they fall through the cracks when it comes to ASD.  I wonder where I would be at if I hadn't taken a step and said hey I can't handle my child any more.  I need help

Where are the articles

I was in the store the other day looking at all the parenting magazines.  I came to the conclusion that none fit my life or my family.  I don't need to see 100.00 outfits and read on how affordable it is.  I am sorry my children don't need that.  I don't need to read on how to get your child to eat seaweed.  I don't need to see what the new toy of the year is.  

What I need to read about is how to handle the behaviors that result from the beginning of school.  How do I handle dealing with one child who doesn't like getting up for school  Drags her feet to get ready.  I give the tools for getting ready the night before.  But the tools are ignored and in the morning we are scrambling.  Then it turns into her yelling at me.  She just doesn't understand that hey you really can't do that.

What I want to read is how a parent really over came having picky eaters not by tricking them to eat.  But by giving a multi vitamin and riding out the storm.  On how as the child turned into a teen they started eating a wider variety of foods.  On how to deal with a teen who freaks out if their foods touch each other.  Then the other child who needs a separate fork for each food. How they have over came food allergies.  Real stories, but those won't sell.

Where are the articles for the siblings that argue over EVERYTHING.  It could be a crack in the floor, they will find a way to argue.  Short of telling them they cannot talk to each other.  Which has been done.

Where are the articles for the everyday stressed out parent.