Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Children being left out

Reading on another site the person was offended that her toddler wasn't invited to a birthday party due to the toddlers food allergies.  This really upset the mom thinking her child was being singled out.  Over the course of the thread people were sympathizing with her.  Saying on how the birthday mom wasn't thinking and so on.  Now mind that the child was invited to a different party by same family this one is a pot luck so the mom of the food allergy child would have to bring a dish to pass.

Then I decided to give my opinion.  I agreed with hosting mom.  When you have a young child and you are at a party it is very stressful making sure your child doesn't accidentally get anything.  It is also stressful because you are seen as a hovering parent.  The parent doesn't have a good time.  You go home exhausted just from the mental part.

So when my son was younger if we were invited to a party and I was the only one I could trust about his food allergies, I left him at home.  My husband has never had an issue with staying home.  Now that we know that our son is also on the spectrum we tend to spend more time avoiding having him in large loud gatherings.

I have been ok with how we deal with things for a few years now.  It works for us, I get to see adults and talk adult.  Our son is safe and away from potential food allergens.  My husband gets to stay home and not talk with other adults.

It is very hard to view things as not being an insult.  It is very hard to step back and say hey maybe this person does have my best interest at heart.  It is hard to say hey I am offended, but my child won't remember so what is the big deal

Monday, March 19, 2012

Don't just give platitudes

A subject on another web site got me thinking.
The subject was what do you wish you knew about autism before you got your dx.
My first response is that with all the information out there I was pretty well armed. What I wish I knew how to deal with was the nay sayers or the people saying oh he will be just fine.

When you think there is something wrong with your child, you have the team of people who try to make you feel better and ease your worries.  When it is something physical you can hear it in their voices that they believe you but they want to offer sympathy.

When the issue is mental then that is a whole different issue.
When the speech is delayed you hear the following, some kids are late talkers, why should he talk when everyone does if for him.  He is just like kid xyz and so on.  Oh just wait till he is older he will catch up.

Some of the most outdated advice is just wait and see.  No child was harmed by receiving early interventions.  Not receiving intervention because of waiting and seeing can be harmful.

Now with autism there are so many early flags that parents see.  Most parents will comment on them to family friends and doctors.  Parents then get blown off by everyone with the child will grow out of it, it is just a stage, you are over concerned. It can't be anything serious because your child isn't sitting in a corner rocking and banging their head against a wall.

Hate to tell you all but sometimes it is a lot of little things.  If a parent is concerned instead of offering platitudes offer advice of what makes you think that.  How long has it been going on.  Have you done any research, have you approached your Dr about it. If you feel you got blown off by the Dr. are you getting a second opinion. 

This makes a parent feel better than being blown off by everyone.  Due to the fact is there is something wrong there is  more anger and guilt.

Guilt of why didn't I listen to my internal voice more.  Anger of why couldn't anyone support me when I was trying to say something was wrong. Then there is the grieving of why you don't have a normal child.

No one wants to hear their child is delayed in anyway, friends and family are generally the first sounding boards that the parents have.  Some people just don't know how to respond, or really have no clue as to if there could be something wrong. Then there are the people that see the same issues as the parent but don't want to be seen as a bad person for confirming the parents fears.  There is a huge mind your own business mentality, but that hurts the child in the end.

My advice is that if you have a friend or family member saying they think something is wrong with their child.  Don't give platitudes, but ask why do you feel this, what have you noticed, how long as this been happening.  Tell them that you will be there not to tell them everything will be fine and the child will grow out of it, but you will be there to hold their hand during the journey

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Sometimes you screw up and it works

If you have a child with a food allergy you know how much fun cooking and baking can be.  Granted there are a ton of cookbooks that tell you how to overcome the allergy but sometimes the things just don't taste good.

My son has an egg allergy, so baking is always a treat, again see above there are many sources that tell me what I HAVE to do to replace an egg but I like thinking outside the box.  This is where sour cream come in.

I was doing brownies for my daughter to take to school for her bday, and didn't have enough for the whole class.  Well I had a box of cookie mix, and added 8 oz of sour cream plus the butter it called for, well that was way to soupy so I added a box of brownie mix, and some baking powder. 

I ended up with the best double chocolate cookies you can image.

So go ahead and experiment never know what you will get