You're doing all the right things

It is a battle to figure out all the right things you should be doing for your child.  When your child has issues that battle becomes intensified.

The internet is my friend when it comes to fighting this battle. Without it I would be lost. My son's psychologist is also a staunch ally in telling/advising me on what to do. My online groups also have helped me through some dark hours.

Then there are the outside resource groups that people have founded, they went through what I am going through, and are there for the parents that need the help and guidance.

After all this hype, I have hit a wall. The wall of everyone telling me I am doing everything right, but if feels like nothing is being accomplished. I am at the point of where I have to wait on others for things to be done.
I don't like this wait. This wait is affecting my son, my family, and me.  I keep thinking there should be more I can do, but there isn't just this morning I have had 2 different people tell me you are doing the right thing, stay on the course you are on.

It hurts I want to help my son more and I can't.

Why tell me why

As we all know autism is getting a lot of press.  Schools are trying to get on the ball an be more accommodating.  G couldn't handle a big general ed kindergarten, so it was decided to try in in a 6:1:1 class. Well in our district the only opening was in a school that launched a new classroom this year.  It is for autistic children a 6:1:1 classroom.  That means 6 kids to 1 teacher, and 1 aide.

Well in theory the class should be great.  Oh wait the teacher has next to nothing for sensory items.  She brings in her own rice, stringing beads and any other sensory items that she can afford.  When a child has a meltdown there are no safe rooms for them to go to.  Oh and when a child melts down and has anger issues the schools response is to suspend them.  Way to teach an autistic child how to cope.

Yep yeah for the school to have a classroom for autistic kids, but boo for no supports

Yep, I am only human

 I am not little miss innocent in this there are things i could have done different

Now on to story

Took G to mall play area he had 2 green days at school. Which considering how he acted last week  is a feet in itself. 

So generally G is really good but today he went into asd overload. I had to talk about good hands multiple times

Well G ran into a smaller kid he shouted sorry got up and ran off. Being on the spectrum G never tried to make eye contact or even look at the poor kid.  (Side note G is almost 5 but size of a 7 year old) the boy he knocked over was probably almost 4. So little kid went crying to mom. I got G's  attention reminded him to slow down and watch out. 

Few more G;s incidents few more talks then crashed into little boy again this time bumped heads. Again g brushed it off yelled sorry and went back to playing.

After this i should have carried G out of there but he was trying to pull himself under control. 

Well after a few more minutes mom and her son leave but not before mom decides to scold me for not making G say sorry. I told her he did say it she argued with me then went to leave. I stood up and shouted I'm  sorry he's autistic. I shouted it not my proudest moment 

Yes, he really does have autism

Like any other parent of a child that has autism,  you go through spurts where you think.  No, it can't be the behavior can be explained.  All children go through this. He can verbalize he doesn't Always walk around like he is going to take of in flight, only when really stressed.  Sure we had a rough summer behavior wise, but that can all be explained.  Yes, by autism.

Even after 2 years, I still go through spurts of thinking that maybe I didn't discipline enough he is the baby of the family, maybe I am just to dam old to be going through this again. 

Then there was this past week.  The beginning of kindergarten.  It started out with dropping school supplies off a couple of days before hand so he could see where his classroom was.  While walking down the hall he was flapping away like he was going to take flight.  Well he thought his supplies were only his supplies and the thought of other children touching his supplies and breaking them was unacceptable. Those supplies were bought for him.  I tried to reason with him, didn't work well at all.

Then the first day of school drop off went great, things looked good. 90 minutes into the first day I got a call.  He had a melt down, bad bad one, the principal was involved.  Not good, plus the principal made me feel like a horrible incompetent parent.  Really I know his behavior is unacceptable, we told you all it would happen, you didn't believe me.  Why, oh why would I make this stuff up.   Well pick up went ok, G knew he was in deep for once he seemed to comprehend the fact that the world doesn't revolve around him. 

The rest of the day he spent in and out of his room chilling, some times on his own accord, other times he was physically put there. 

Day 2, take him in, we are allowed to walk him down to his room.  He is now at his own table no distractions.  He has his own supplies, (that I had in his back pack to make him feel better about the first set being given up.) under the pretense it is due to his contact reactive peanut allergy.  He now has a behavior plan, a sensory seat, and chart to see his progress. 

Better behavior, except he pushed another student, well no phone calls.

So now some classic symptoms are showing up with transitions and sensory issues.  So yes he is autistic. 

Can you see the logic

So yesterday G teacher calls saying on how they have had a better day.  But he did bite a kid, but it wasn't completely G's.  The teacher stated that in G's defense, the kid was kinda being a bully.   First the kid took a toy away from G.  Then the kid was taunting G that he had the toy and G didn't well G took matters into his own mouth.  Now G has been told before that when a child is bugging him to use his words and tell a teacher.  The teacher tried to reach the situation in time but was to late.

The teacher then talked to G to find out why he did it to see if he could verbalize what was going through his head.  Well there was logic, in a round about way.  G was anxious.  The anxiety came out this way. The class was heading down to a different room where a clown would be.  We have discovered that G doesn't like any, dressed up creatures, be it Elmo, Barney or come to find out clowns.  The teacher did ask G why doesn't he like clowns, G reply they give out peanuts.  Well G is allergic to peanuts so there is logic. 

Now as to where he made the correlation that clowns give out peanuts remains to be seen.  I think it has to do when during the year they did a circus theme, but then again I could be wrong that happens frequently. 

I suck at this, blogging and sometimes parenting

Keeping up on blogging that is. There is always so much to write about but never enough time.

Today's topic, getting out of the normal child mindset. Most children have issues with change.  Even adults have issues with change.  I get that.  Generally kids on the spectrum resist minor changes, going from one activity to another. G seems to have trouble with big changes.  As seen below.

We have been issues with G behavior.  He has been violent, destroying things, hitting kicking, scratching and biting.   Not listening, needing to be physically removed from situations, and verbally abusive (that hurts saying your child of 4 can be verbally abusive.) just plain out bad.  As a parent, the normal course of action is to look at all outside factors to figure out what is going on. I had most of them pinpointed. There has been change in his life.

- Preschool ended, there was a 2 week break for him.  During that time he was in daycare all day for 1 week.
-Then he got shots for kindygarden.
- The next week we had an allergist appointment where he got pricked again.  Plus he was home with me for that week.
-Then his summer school started, a new teacher but same room.
- Then come to find out there was personal change at the daycare, no notice to warn him what so ever and staff was wondering why he was off.
-During this he got sick and missed 4 days of school.
-We also started with a psych , for his behaviors.  (After being on a wait list for 6 months).

Here I was banging my head against the wall wondering why he wasn't improving. I know there are changes but still he should be adjusting. Then with the psych, she reminded me that G can't verbalize what he is feeling. Yes he is verbal, but he can't put his emotions into words he can use.  So he lashes out.  Plus we could also expect this behavior to continue maybe into Oct.  By then he should have adjusted, if we are lucky.

Here I was thinking that with other kids they adjust in a few days.  I was thinking he should be like that.  NO, I have to break out of that mindset.  He needs longer, but I was in the mindset that he could just transition from one situation to another with no issues what so ever.  Well joke is on me.

Hats off parents with multiple children that have issues

Having 3 kids, a house, dog, husband that works long hours and a part-time job can be harrowing for the best of  us.  Worse if you work full time I would assume.

Now throw into the mix, all 3 children with some type of issue.  So now we are adding in doctors appointments, ER visits, regular family functions, advocating for your children, and normal stresses of life.  It gets to be a little much.

I can say I have a new appreciation for parents that have specialist appointments every day or a few every week. It can be nerve racking trying to coordinate  child care for 1 child, then take another one to an appointment, not to mention cooking dinner and cleaning up.

I am at least lucky with 2 of the children being older and able to pull some of the weight off when they decide to act like normal human beings and not the self centered teens that they are.

I am lucky with a husband that on his day off picks up slack and does things that I have yet to find time to accomplish.

I am learning how to take time out for me, and that is hard.  I mentally decided that when my oldest works late (after 8) my husband can do the bed time routine and I will leave to get her very early and go hang out at the book store.  I am also very lucky in having a job to where their view is your children first us second, even though I try not an push it, it is nice knowing.

I need to replenish my sanity level.  I have felt on the verge of burn out the past few weeks, and that is not good for anyone.