Relationships 50/50 (my a@@)

Reading a post on a website.  A parent was very angry, very angry at her situation in life.  Her son is probably on the spectrum and she decided that she just doesn't like her husband.  He doesn't do enough, he isn't there or at least she feels emotionally.  She has taken to verbally berating him and now feels guilty for doing so. She admits that she loves him and she doesn't know why he allows her to treat him that way.

The responses back were maybe she needed to look at her and her expectations. My response was to the following.  My husband works insane hours.  He is up at 430 am and doesn't get home till 7pm or later.  He works a very physically demanding job.  He works 4 days a week totaling out to 50 hours a week.

I on the other hand work p/t in a very family friendly company.  If a child is sick, I call in no repercussions.  If school and daycare is closed and I have to be home, then so be it. If school is closed and I want to stay home, (why I have no clue) to something fun with the kids, it is encouraged.

When G's IEP meeting come up, I can leave early or come in late to attend them.  Specialist appointments granted I attempt to make them around my work schedule, but that is not always possible.

Care of the house, my task. Grocery shopping, again my task, all appointments for the girls my task.  Cooking, laundry, appointment setting, researching schools for the kids my task.

Now this sounds very lopsided reading it but it isn't.  My husband does help out, but  (and this is a huge but).  I have to TELL him what needs to be done, otherwise he has no clue.  It is not because he is an uncaring selfish ogre.  He truly has no clue due to his working what goes on in the house every day.  When he is home by himself on his day off, he cleans and catches up on the laundry, other things I leave him a do list.  It is things that would never  cross his mind. 

I get angry at times, I get depressed, I hate that it is all me at times. (I do make the kids help out).  But he is helping out another way, he is busting his ass working all the time.  He doesn't like doing the research end of it and the dr appointments he gets flustered and has no clue what to say or ask.

The other thing about the thread was another person said you don't do 50/50 but you each give 110% of what that person is capable of giving.  So granted her and my husband may not perform what we THINK they should preform.  But I know for dam sure my husband gives 110 % all the time of what he is capable of doing. 

That is what keeps us going with kids that require some extra help at times.  (and a good drink now and again)