"He decided to join us" were words my husband said to me over the weekend. We had taken G down to the Strong museum of play in Rochester. For about the first 2 hours we were there G was very content in some very unusual play. First it was at the stage area being a ticket taker, just handing out tickets and retrieving tickets. He was very content with that, he engaged other kids a couple of times for about 30 seconds each time. He got very angry if a child attempted to take the tickets away from him or didn't give the tickets right back.
After that was the post office, for about 45 minutes he was content with putting mail in post office boxes and collecting the mail from the drop box. This play repeated itself over and over, again not engaging other children or even his own parents. If we got in his way he would move us. If he needed help he would struggle till we asked if he needed help.
They had a children's singer in about 30 feet away from him, the music was loud the children were loud he never noticed. He glanced over it didn't excite him so therefore it wasn't happening to him.
The next area of interest was the big plane, here is where he actively kinda engaged us. He put his father in one spot and me in another. This was when my husband made the statement of he decided to join us. Then he went to his own world.
Then he asked to go to the train, yeah he said he wanted to do something. He rode on the kiddy train, then played with the train table, again solitary never acknowledged any other kids. Very happy with his solitary play.
Our last area was Sesame Street, there is a taxi cab a favorite of all the kids, G is no exception. He got in and didn't want to leave the drivers seat, but would when reminded. Then it was off to the time clock, nice repetitive put time card in get it stamped, put in have it stamped.
We had to lead him away, not kicking and screaming, but still he wasn't willing to leave that day. We maybe got to 1/4 of the interactive areas. Maybe next time he will allow us in his world and we can do more.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
It's not easy being me
So today while grocery shopping I was feeling sorry for myself. Now anyone that knows my family would think that I was feeling bad due to G allergies, being allergic to eggs and peanuts can make shopping interesting. Or maybe I was feeling put out due to the others and their food sensory issues. One doesn't like "stringy meat" gets stuck in the teeth. Another hardly eats anything. Then the last that didn't get mentioned, just takes after her sister and doesn't like healthy things.
Nope none of these things were it. I was feeling sorry for myself because I wanted to get eggnog, and all of them had high fructose corn syrup. For the average person who is not diabetic, (which I am not) it probably wouldn't phase them. It is a concern to me due to the fact that if I consume to much processed sugars I will get a migraine. This type of pain is so not worth the goodness of eggnog.
So I sucked it up and went into the "healthy" part of the store, the part that has all the organic, and vegan stuff. Yep there was eggnog that just had corn syrup 4.99 for a quart.
32 oz was it worth it. I stood there looking at it. I walked away went back to the dairy section, reread all of those eggnogs, staring at the fact that the ingredient list read milk, high fructose corn syrup, sugar, egg. Hello eggnog. A main ingredient is in the name.
But, I really wanted some, did I want to spend the money. I went back looked at it again. Looked at the ingredients, cream, milk, egg, corn syrup.
I cashed out came home and poured me a small glass of eggnog. Maybe I need to get some 8.00 rum to go with it
Nope none of these things were it. I was feeling sorry for myself because I wanted to get eggnog, and all of them had high fructose corn syrup. For the average person who is not diabetic, (which I am not) it probably wouldn't phase them. It is a concern to me due to the fact that if I consume to much processed sugars I will get a migraine. This type of pain is so not worth the goodness of eggnog.
So I sucked it up and went into the "healthy" part of the store, the part that has all the organic, and vegan stuff. Yep there was eggnog that just had corn syrup 4.99 for a quart.
32 oz was it worth it. I stood there looking at it. I walked away went back to the dairy section, reread all of those eggnogs, staring at the fact that the ingredient list read milk, high fructose corn syrup, sugar, egg. Hello eggnog. A main ingredient is in the name.
But, I really wanted some, did I want to spend the money. I went back looked at it again. Looked at the ingredients, cream, milk, egg, corn syrup.
I cashed out came home and poured me a small glass of eggnog. Maybe I need to get some 8.00 rum to go with it
Thursday, November 3, 2011
What does autism look like.
What does autism look like? Who the h@@@ knows. Really, granted if you see a child walking on their tip toes flapping their hands looking like they are about to take off, they might be autistic. If you try talking the child and they ignore you or screech at you the child might be autistic.
But if you see a child walking around doing weird things with their fingers, staring off into space, guess what that child might be autistic. If the child comes up to you and starts talking about different breeds of dogs, yep that child might be autistic. If you try to talk to a child but they won't look at you in the face and mumble a comment. Yep that child might be autistic.
If you are in a crowded place and you hear a child whining he wants to go home, and his parents are trying to convince him to stay, yep he might be autistic and the parents are trying to push his boundaries.
If you have met one kid with autism guess what you have met one kid with autism.
Like every other human being, every one is different. There is no autism mold. Every autistic child is different.
But if you see a child walking around doing weird things with their fingers, staring off into space, guess what that child might be autistic. If the child comes up to you and starts talking about different breeds of dogs, yep that child might be autistic. If you try to talk to a child but they won't look at you in the face and mumble a comment. Yep that child might be autistic.
If you are in a crowded place and you hear a child whining he wants to go home, and his parents are trying to convince him to stay, yep he might be autistic and the parents are trying to push his boundaries.
If you have met one kid with autism guess what you have met one kid with autism.
Like every other human being, every one is different. There is no autism mold. Every autistic child is different.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Finding resources
Took G to the mall today. There was the man with his 2 kids. English was a second language to them. His son starting getting into G face. The man reprimanded him and apologized to me. G had ignored the whole incident stared past the kids like he wasn't there. The guy then said his son was autistic. I told him no problem G is also and I am working on his socialization skills.
(there was more like he was trying to get his son to engage G in conversation, not G strong suit so that didn't go over well).
Then he was telling me about his daughter who is also on the spectrum, she is 6 looks like she is 4 (he wanted to know how old G was, told him almost 4 who looks like he is 6). She is non verbal and getting very few services. He had not a clue that in NYS as long that there is a medical dx the child is medicaid eligible. He didn't know where to find resources for his daughter. He was relying on the school district and was being let down. He didn't know that if he disagreed with the IEP he didn't have to sign it, and he can fight for other things.
He and his wife have no support for the kids, it is just them. By the time he left I had given him a list of different resources to look into.
Over all I felt bad for this family, just because, I know that if I wasn't such a research person, I also wouldn't know half the things about autism that I do. It also made me realize that with a lot of places you get a dx and sent on your merry way. With the advice you can use our agency or not. But there isn't a ton of follow up given. Plus it depends on where you get the dx from.
Not only are the kids over looked but the family as a whole gets overlooked.
(there was more like he was trying to get his son to engage G in conversation, not G strong suit so that didn't go over well).
Then he was telling me about his daughter who is also on the spectrum, she is 6 looks like she is 4 (he wanted to know how old G was, told him almost 4 who looks like he is 6). She is non verbal and getting very few services. He had not a clue that in NYS as long that there is a medical dx the child is medicaid eligible. He didn't know where to find resources for his daughter. He was relying on the school district and was being let down. He didn't know that if he disagreed with the IEP he didn't have to sign it, and he can fight for other things.
He and his wife have no support for the kids, it is just them. By the time he left I had given him a list of different resources to look into.
Over all I felt bad for this family, just because, I know that if I wasn't such a research person, I also wouldn't know half the things about autism that I do. It also made me realize that with a lot of places you get a dx and sent on your merry way. With the advice you can use our agency or not. But there isn't a ton of follow up given. Plus it depends on where you get the dx from.
Not only are the kids over looked but the family as a whole gets overlooked.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Childhood memories
Like any good parent I want my children to have good memories of their childhood. I want those memories to be of the things we did that were out of the ordinary. Not mom got home, cleaned cooked dinner Dad got home he ate and we just watched tv every night.
This evening my son wanted to go to the park with 2 sandboxes as he puts it. Well the only issue with that was I was cooking dinner at the time. He didn't like that answer. So he proceeded to lay on the floor and allow me the pleasure of hearing his displeasure.
So I told him if he would calm down, we would pack up dinner and have a picnic at the park with 2 sand boxes. He stopped the screaming, the funny part was I had been thinking of doing a simple dinner and just eating at the park. So it wasn't like the idea just came to me.
So that is what we did, packed up dinner at ate the park, life was good, till the rain started
This evening my son wanted to go to the park with 2 sandboxes as he puts it. Well the only issue with that was I was cooking dinner at the time. He didn't like that answer. So he proceeded to lay on the floor and allow me the pleasure of hearing his displeasure.
So I told him if he would calm down, we would pack up dinner and have a picnic at the park with 2 sand boxes. He stopped the screaming, the funny part was I had been thinking of doing a simple dinner and just eating at the park. So it wasn't like the idea just came to me.
So that is what we did, packed up dinner at ate the park, life was good, till the rain started
It hurts to be a parent
I know this topic has been gone over before by many a person. But I have to say it hurts to be a parent.
You have the parents that hurt because their kids get in with the wrong crowd, turn to drugs drinking and sex. The parents then ask themselves "what did I do wrong."
You have the parents that hurt because their child is being hurt in non physically ways by their peers. In this case as a parent you want to give your child all the tools they need to make the hurt go away.
Then there are the physical hurts that you as a parent cannot make go away. The your child is in pain, and you can only hold their hand and sympathize. Now yes I realize I have it good, a lot better than most my child isn't chronically or terminally ill.
It doesn't negate the fact my child is in pain. She has been in constant pain for over 2 weeks now. We still don't have a concrete answer for what is going on. They think it is narrowed down to 2 things. In order to get any real answers she has to go under and a scope inserted into her urethra.
She is scared, and in pain. She lashes out verbally or withdraws into a book. How can I fault her for either thing. There is nothing I can do but say yes you can have more pain killer. If I suggest a hot pack she bites my head off. She is cranky and miserable and I really can't do a thing for her.
It hurts to see her like this. It scares me to have to take her into the hospital knowing she is being put under to be scoped. It scares me not knowing what is really going on.
It sucks to be a parent at times
You have the parents that hurt because their kids get in with the wrong crowd, turn to drugs drinking and sex. The parents then ask themselves "what did I do wrong."
You have the parents that hurt because their child is being hurt in non physically ways by their peers. In this case as a parent you want to give your child all the tools they need to make the hurt go away.
Then there are the physical hurts that you as a parent cannot make go away. The your child is in pain, and you can only hold their hand and sympathize. Now yes I realize I have it good, a lot better than most my child isn't chronically or terminally ill.
It doesn't negate the fact my child is in pain. She has been in constant pain for over 2 weeks now. We still don't have a concrete answer for what is going on. They think it is narrowed down to 2 things. In order to get any real answers she has to go under and a scope inserted into her urethra.
She is scared, and in pain. She lashes out verbally or withdraws into a book. How can I fault her for either thing. There is nothing I can do but say yes you can have more pain killer. If I suggest a hot pack she bites my head off. She is cranky and miserable and I really can't do a thing for her.
It hurts to see her like this. It scares me to have to take her into the hospital knowing she is being put under to be scoped. It scares me not knowing what is really going on.
It sucks to be a parent at times
Friday, September 16, 2011
Bullying
With a teenager and preteen this is a scary subject. 48 hours is doing a program on it tonight.
I am sitting here talking to my teen wondering where the difference is between when I was bullied and to the bullying now. We are talking about 25 years, (yes I am old).
Right now the main factor we have come up with is internet, and social networks. I didn't have internet but I was bullied. I was called fat, ugly, scum this happened day after day after day. I never told an adult or teacher. But one day I got fed up and lashed out physically. Did I win the fight not physically. But the person never bullied me again.
Now my daughter has had a couple of episodes with a girl bullying her on the internet. When I first found out about it, I made her defriend the girl on facebook. Why she had her as a friend, I still don't know. But once the girl was defriended my childs life became better.
Of all the things to be scared of, I shouldn't be scared to send my child to school. For fear that they will be harassed verbally and then physically
I am sitting here talking to my teen wondering where the difference is between when I was bullied and to the bullying now. We are talking about 25 years, (yes I am old).
Right now the main factor we have come up with is internet, and social networks. I didn't have internet but I was bullied. I was called fat, ugly, scum this happened day after day after day. I never told an adult or teacher. But one day I got fed up and lashed out physically. Did I win the fight not physically. But the person never bullied me again.
Now my daughter has had a couple of episodes with a girl bullying her on the internet. When I first found out about it, I made her defriend the girl on facebook. Why she had her as a friend, I still don't know. But once the girl was defriended my childs life became better.
Of all the things to be scared of, I shouldn't be scared to send my child to school. For fear that they will be harassed verbally and then physically
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Jack of all trades master of none
I am my father's daughter, my mother use to say it was better to be a Jack of all trades master of none, this was said in reference to my father.
My father after one of his heart attacks took up wood working to a degree. He didn't have any fancy tools, just the basics saw, hammer, square, nails and that was about it. He could look at a piece of outdoor furniture, say an A frame swing. Take a few measurements, then pull out a spiral notebook sketch, then get his materials and make it. He did the same with a bread bin he saw and liked. He also made a potato bin and onion bin.
When he got board with those, he made a cradle for a pregnant sister in law. That was a beautiful piece of work. But now a days people who foo foo it because it was hand made so of course it wasn't safe. He made me a secretery desk that I was not able to bring with me. It had a flip top and a 3 tier book shelf. Again all he did was look at it got and idea sketched it and poof it was made.
Now how am I my father's daughter, I have the same trait. But for me it is more the scrapbooking arts and crafts area. I can look at a layout for scrapbooking and say hey I can do that and improve on it. I get an idea in my head then the next thing I know it is done. So yes I guess I am my father's daughter
My father after one of his heart attacks took up wood working to a degree. He didn't have any fancy tools, just the basics saw, hammer, square, nails and that was about it. He could look at a piece of outdoor furniture, say an A frame swing. Take a few measurements, then pull out a spiral notebook sketch, then get his materials and make it. He did the same with a bread bin he saw and liked. He also made a potato bin and onion bin.
When he got board with those, he made a cradle for a pregnant sister in law. That was a beautiful piece of work. But now a days people who foo foo it because it was hand made so of course it wasn't safe. He made me a secretery desk that I was not able to bring with me. It had a flip top and a 3 tier book shelf. Again all he did was look at it got and idea sketched it and poof it was made.
Now how am I my father's daughter, I have the same trait. But for me it is more the scrapbooking arts and crafts area. I can look at a layout for scrapbooking and say hey I can do that and improve on it. I get an idea in my head then the next thing I know it is done. So yes I guess I am my father's daughter
Sunday, August 28, 2011
No sense in shedding tears over autism
It won't do any good. But sometimes you just have to cry. You have to let the sorrow out.
Yesterday I took the kids to the Science museum, met up with some a very good friend and her family. It was the last day of an exhibit, and they wanted to see it. So we get there, the kids and I were there first, so I took G in to the preschool exhibit. Hand on stuff, exploring all aspects of science, with toys. C and family arrived. We chit chatted for a couple of minutes, and it was decided that it was time to see the exhibit.
G was not leaving the area we were in. So plans adapted, (the reoccurring story when you have children). The older 2 get to go see the exhibit. I stay down with G. 1 hour later, they are done with the exhibit, they find me. Time for the 3D movie, Okay G lets go nope not happening G wasn't budging. I handled the first time just fine, the second time made me sad. Sad to the point the tears started flowing. Here I wanted to hang with a friend and I was stuck with my almost 4 year old who was being obstinate. He could have cared less when I tried engaging him. Wanted nothing to do with me. Unless I was preforming a task he couldn't do he really had no use for me. Then I thought really what is the use of crying. Okay so I can't hang with my friend. My child is behaving, he isn't screaming on the floor, not covering his ears saying to loud. He is happy going from one area to another.
We did get him out of the room. We were able to do a couple of areas. The last area, when he was done he just up and left the room. He just left never looked to see if anyone was going to follow just left. Again another time that I wanted to cry. But this was his way of saying, HEY I have had enough. Now get me out, or I will make you regret it. So again no use in crying, just say your goodbyes and leave
Yesterday I took the kids to the Science museum, met up with some a very good friend and her family. It was the last day of an exhibit, and they wanted to see it. So we get there, the kids and I were there first, so I took G in to the preschool exhibit. Hand on stuff, exploring all aspects of science, with toys. C and family arrived. We chit chatted for a couple of minutes, and it was decided that it was time to see the exhibit.
G was not leaving the area we were in. So plans adapted, (the reoccurring story when you have children). The older 2 get to go see the exhibit. I stay down with G. 1 hour later, they are done with the exhibit, they find me. Time for the 3D movie, Okay G lets go nope not happening G wasn't budging. I handled the first time just fine, the second time made me sad. Sad to the point the tears started flowing. Here I wanted to hang with a friend and I was stuck with my almost 4 year old who was being obstinate. He could have cared less when I tried engaging him. Wanted nothing to do with me. Unless I was preforming a task he couldn't do he really had no use for me. Then I thought really what is the use of crying. Okay so I can't hang with my friend. My child is behaving, he isn't screaming on the floor, not covering his ears saying to loud. He is happy going from one area to another.
We did get him out of the room. We were able to do a couple of areas. The last area, when he was done he just up and left the room. He just left never looked to see if anyone was going to follow just left. Again another time that I wanted to cry. But this was his way of saying, HEY I have had enough. Now get me out, or I will make you regret it. So again no use in crying, just say your goodbyes and leave
Religion
*gasp* I was willing to say the word out in public.
I use to envy people who had religion, or so I thought. What I didn't understand was how I could feel like this. I believe in a higher power. I try my best to always choose the correct path, but damn sometimes those little branches in the path get in my way and I get side tracked. But in the end I end up back on the correct path. I teach my kids the basics. We have morals. We practice do unto others as you would have done unto you. Yet I thought I was missing something.
It came to me I have religion in my own way. What I was envying, was the fact people had a church. They had the sense of community that I don't have. One either Saturday nights or Sundays, they have a place to go to share their beliefs. This is what I lack. I have been to several churches and not one of them have ever stood out. I didn't get warm fuzzies by entering. People didn't notice that there was a new person standing in their midst. I am not saying that I would go once and then never again. Tried it a couple of times, same results.
Maybe one day I will find the open arms I am seeking. When I do then I know I have found what I am looking for. Until that time, I will still look for opportunities to show my children the ways of being nice. Helping someone out even if you don't know them. Holding the door for strangers, because, it is nice.
I use to envy people who had religion, or so I thought. What I didn't understand was how I could feel like this. I believe in a higher power. I try my best to always choose the correct path, but damn sometimes those little branches in the path get in my way and I get side tracked. But in the end I end up back on the correct path. I teach my kids the basics. We have morals. We practice do unto others as you would have done unto you. Yet I thought I was missing something.
It came to me I have religion in my own way. What I was envying, was the fact people had a church. They had the sense of community that I don't have. One either Saturday nights or Sundays, they have a place to go to share their beliefs. This is what I lack. I have been to several churches and not one of them have ever stood out. I didn't get warm fuzzies by entering. People didn't notice that there was a new person standing in their midst. I am not saying that I would go once and then never again. Tried it a couple of times, same results.
Maybe one day I will find the open arms I am seeking. When I do then I know I have found what I am looking for. Until that time, I will still look for opportunities to show my children the ways of being nice. Helping someone out even if you don't know them. Holding the door for strangers, because, it is nice.
Friday, August 19, 2011
The future
When one has a kid that is not the stereotypical norm. One tends to worry about the future right. Well not so much for me. To me the future isn't will they live on their own, will they get married, and will they have kids. That is way too far out for me to think. Plus considering how well they can function right now. I know that those goals will be achieved if they so choose.
My future is more imminent, will G be in a regular class room. Will the school understand that he isn't a bad kid but has social issues? Will L understand the social norms in the next few years when it comes to girl peer relationships? Will she get angrier because the other girls can't understand that she is different?
Will M get her act together and not quite the minute something gets tough. M turns 16 this year eligible for working papers, eligible to get a real job, so no more if the going gets tough quitting. That just doesn't look good.
These are my thoughts for the future, these are my ponderings.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Girls on the spectrum
I found as my daughter got older the more defiant and oppositional she got. At first we chalked it up to my husband and I getting married, her starting school, then me getting pregnant. Then maybe hormones knocking at the door early. But the older she got the more difficult she got. It didn't interfere with her school work. But socially she was floundering.
This past Feb as she was doing the valentine cards for her class, she made the comment, " I don't know why I am doing this, it isn't like anyone deserves a card from me." After I got over the shock of the statement, I asked for an explanation it was then I heard just how hard of a time she was having with her peers. She was struggling emotionally and I didn't even know how bad it was.
So I find a counselor the first appointment was just me with lots of questions. I filled it all out, and started the session talking about how L was up till this point. By the end of the session the counselor said you know since your younger son is on the spectrum, I am betting she is. I was dumfounded, she is normal, well as normal as one can be. Sure there are issues, ok more than a few. But still really, another child on the spectrum. I went home to Google land, and racking my brain. Things start falling into place, and making more and more sense.
Her tactile issues, hating to walk in grass in bare feet. Her insisting on separate utensils for foods on her plate. Sensory issues to loud noises. Excellent verbal skills from a young age. And the animal obsessions. Some things as she has gotten older have chilled out others have gotten worse.
Then I read on how since girls are such good mimickers they fall through the cracks when it comes to ASD. I wonder where I would be at if I hadn't taken a step and said hey I can't handle my child any more. I need help
This past Feb as she was doing the valentine cards for her class, she made the comment, " I don't know why I am doing this, it isn't like anyone deserves a card from me." After I got over the shock of the statement, I asked for an explanation it was then I heard just how hard of a time she was having with her peers. She was struggling emotionally and I didn't even know how bad it was.
So I find a counselor the first appointment was just me with lots of questions. I filled it all out, and started the session talking about how L was up till this point. By the end of the session the counselor said you know since your younger son is on the spectrum, I am betting she is. I was dumfounded, she is normal, well as normal as one can be. Sure there are issues, ok more than a few. But still really, another child on the spectrum. I went home to Google land, and racking my brain. Things start falling into place, and making more and more sense.
Her tactile issues, hating to walk in grass in bare feet. Her insisting on separate utensils for foods on her plate. Sensory issues to loud noises. Excellent verbal skills from a young age. And the animal obsessions. Some things as she has gotten older have chilled out others have gotten worse.
Then I read on how since girls are such good mimickers they fall through the cracks when it comes to ASD. I wonder where I would be at if I hadn't taken a step and said hey I can't handle my child any more. I need help
Where are the articles
I was in the store the other day looking at all the parenting magazines. I came to the conclusion that none fit my life or my family. I don't need to see 100.00 outfits and read on how affordable it is. I am sorry my children don't need that. I don't need to read on how to get your child to eat seaweed. I don't need to see what the new toy of the year is.
What I need to read about is how to handle the behaviors that result from the beginning of school. How do I handle dealing with one child who doesn't like getting up for school Drags her feet to get ready. I give the tools for getting ready the night before. But the tools are ignored and in the morning we are scrambling. Then it turns into her yelling at me. She just doesn't understand that hey you really can't do that.
What I want to read is how a parent really over came having picky eaters not by tricking them to eat. But by giving a multi vitamin and riding out the storm. On how as the child turned into a teen they started eating a wider variety of foods. On how to deal with a teen who freaks out if their foods touch each other. Then the other child who needs a separate fork for each food. How they have over came food allergies. Real stories, but those won't sell.
Where are the articles for the siblings that argue over EVERYTHING. It could be a crack in the floor, they will find a way to argue. Short of telling them they cannot talk to each other. Which has been done.
Where are the articles for the everyday stressed out parent.
What I need to read about is how to handle the behaviors that result from the beginning of school. How do I handle dealing with one child who doesn't like getting up for school Drags her feet to get ready. I give the tools for getting ready the night before. But the tools are ignored and in the morning we are scrambling. Then it turns into her yelling at me. She just doesn't understand that hey you really can't do that.
What I want to read is how a parent really over came having picky eaters not by tricking them to eat. But by giving a multi vitamin and riding out the storm. On how as the child turned into a teen they started eating a wider variety of foods. On how to deal with a teen who freaks out if their foods touch each other. Then the other child who needs a separate fork for each food. How they have over came food allergies. Real stories, but those won't sell.
Where are the articles for the siblings that argue over EVERYTHING. It could be a crack in the floor, they will find a way to argue. Short of telling them they cannot talk to each other. Which has been done.
Where are the articles for the everyday stressed out parent.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)