For those with nice neuro typical children or no children. Quick non medical explanation of sensory seeking.
A child who thrives off of different sensory stimulation. It could be water, sand play, physical swinging, bear hugs, or tactile play dough, clay or a combination.
For my son one of the things he loves are tights and nylons, even silky dress socks. I thought I had gotten rid of all the knee highs over a year ago. I was wrong. He found the only knee high in the house and put it on in a flash. Then was looking for its mate that didn't exists. Well I took the opportunity to use his knee high passion to get some good behavior out of him and it worked. Well said knee highs disappeared again and he hasn't said anything about them.
Until last night, I had to get some tights for myself and G found them. He took off running with them thinking that I had bought them all for him. I told him to get his grubby paws off my tights he looked at me and laughed saying they were his. Nope not happening buddy, I wrestled him to the ground I was victorious I had my tights. They went on a high shelf. He then started in on his socks where were the offending items in question are no wear to be found. So he pouted for about 30 minutes. Till something else came along for him to destroy.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Children being left out
Reading on another site the person was offended that her toddler wasn't invited to a birthday party due to the toddlers food allergies. This really upset the mom thinking her child was being singled out. Over the course of the thread people were sympathizing with her. Saying on how the birthday mom wasn't thinking and so on. Now mind that the child was invited to a different party by same family this one is a pot luck so the mom of the food allergy child would have to bring a dish to pass.
Then I decided to give my opinion. I agreed with hosting mom. When you have a young child and you are at a party it is very stressful making sure your child doesn't accidentally get anything. It is also stressful because you are seen as a hovering parent. The parent doesn't have a good time. You go home exhausted just from the mental part.
So when my son was younger if we were invited to a party and I was the only one I could trust about his food allergies, I left him at home. My husband has never had an issue with staying home. Now that we know that our son is also on the spectrum we tend to spend more time avoiding having him in large loud gatherings.
I have been ok with how we deal with things for a few years now. It works for us, I get to see adults and talk adult. Our son is safe and away from potential food allergens. My husband gets to stay home and not talk with other adults.
It is very hard to view things as not being an insult. It is very hard to step back and say hey maybe this person does have my best interest at heart. It is hard to say hey I am offended, but my child won't remember so what is the big deal
Then I decided to give my opinion. I agreed with hosting mom. When you have a young child and you are at a party it is very stressful making sure your child doesn't accidentally get anything. It is also stressful because you are seen as a hovering parent. The parent doesn't have a good time. You go home exhausted just from the mental part.
So when my son was younger if we were invited to a party and I was the only one I could trust about his food allergies, I left him at home. My husband has never had an issue with staying home. Now that we know that our son is also on the spectrum we tend to spend more time avoiding having him in large loud gatherings.
I have been ok with how we deal with things for a few years now. It works for us, I get to see adults and talk adult. Our son is safe and away from potential food allergens. My husband gets to stay home and not talk with other adults.
It is very hard to view things as not being an insult. It is very hard to step back and say hey maybe this person does have my best interest at heart. It is hard to say hey I am offended, but my child won't remember so what is the big deal
Monday, March 19, 2012
Don't just give platitudes
A subject on another web site got me thinking.
The subject was what do you wish you knew about autism before you got your dx.
My first response is that with all the information out there I was pretty well armed. What I wish I knew how to deal with was the nay sayers or the people saying oh he will be just fine.
When you think there is something wrong with your child, you have the team of people who try to make you feel better and ease your worries. When it is something physical you can hear it in their voices that they believe you but they want to offer sympathy.
When the issue is mental then that is a whole different issue.
When the speech is delayed you hear the following, some kids are late talkers, why should he talk when everyone does if for him. He is just like kid xyz and so on. Oh just wait till he is older he will catch up.
Some of the most outdated advice is just wait and see. No child was harmed by receiving early interventions. Not receiving intervention because of waiting and seeing can be harmful.
Now with autism there are so many early flags that parents see. Most parents will comment on them to family friends and doctors. Parents then get blown off by everyone with the child will grow out of it, it is just a stage, you are over concerned. It can't be anything serious because your child isn't sitting in a corner rocking and banging their head against a wall.
Hate to tell you all but sometimes it is a lot of little things. If a parent is concerned instead of offering platitudes offer advice of what makes you think that. How long has it been going on. Have you done any research, have you approached your Dr about it. If you feel you got blown off by the Dr. are you getting a second opinion.
This makes a parent feel better than being blown off by everyone. Due to the fact is there is something wrong there is more anger and guilt.
Guilt of why didn't I listen to my internal voice more. Anger of why couldn't anyone support me when I was trying to say something was wrong. Then there is the grieving of why you don't have a normal child.
No one wants to hear their child is delayed in anyway, friends and family are generally the first sounding boards that the parents have. Some people just don't know how to respond, or really have no clue as to if there could be something wrong. Then there are the people that see the same issues as the parent but don't want to be seen as a bad person for confirming the parents fears. There is a huge mind your own business mentality, but that hurts the child in the end.
My advice is that if you have a friend or family member saying they think something is wrong with their child. Don't give platitudes, but ask why do you feel this, what have you noticed, how long as this been happening. Tell them that you will be there not to tell them everything will be fine and the child will grow out of it, but you will be there to hold their hand during the journey
The subject was what do you wish you knew about autism before you got your dx.
My first response is that with all the information out there I was pretty well armed. What I wish I knew how to deal with was the nay sayers or the people saying oh he will be just fine.
When you think there is something wrong with your child, you have the team of people who try to make you feel better and ease your worries. When it is something physical you can hear it in their voices that they believe you but they want to offer sympathy.
When the issue is mental then that is a whole different issue.
When the speech is delayed you hear the following, some kids are late talkers, why should he talk when everyone does if for him. He is just like kid xyz and so on. Oh just wait till he is older he will catch up.
Some of the most outdated advice is just wait and see. No child was harmed by receiving early interventions. Not receiving intervention because of waiting and seeing can be harmful.
Now with autism there are so many early flags that parents see. Most parents will comment on them to family friends and doctors. Parents then get blown off by everyone with the child will grow out of it, it is just a stage, you are over concerned. It can't be anything serious because your child isn't sitting in a corner rocking and banging their head against a wall.
Hate to tell you all but sometimes it is a lot of little things. If a parent is concerned instead of offering platitudes offer advice of what makes you think that. How long has it been going on. Have you done any research, have you approached your Dr about it. If you feel you got blown off by the Dr. are you getting a second opinion.
This makes a parent feel better than being blown off by everyone. Due to the fact is there is something wrong there is more anger and guilt.
Guilt of why didn't I listen to my internal voice more. Anger of why couldn't anyone support me when I was trying to say something was wrong. Then there is the grieving of why you don't have a normal child.
No one wants to hear their child is delayed in anyway, friends and family are generally the first sounding boards that the parents have. Some people just don't know how to respond, or really have no clue as to if there could be something wrong. Then there are the people that see the same issues as the parent but don't want to be seen as a bad person for confirming the parents fears. There is a huge mind your own business mentality, but that hurts the child in the end.
My advice is that if you have a friend or family member saying they think something is wrong with their child. Don't give platitudes, but ask why do you feel this, what have you noticed, how long as this been happening. Tell them that you will be there not to tell them everything will be fine and the child will grow out of it, but you will be there to hold their hand during the journey
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Sometimes you screw up and it works
If you have a child with a food allergy you know how much fun cooking and baking can be. Granted there are a ton of cookbooks that tell you how to overcome the allergy but sometimes the things just don't taste good.
My son has an egg allergy, so baking is always a treat, again see above there are many sources that tell me what I HAVE to do to replace an egg but I like thinking outside the box. This is where sour cream come in.
I was doing brownies for my daughter to take to school for her bday, and didn't have enough for the whole class. Well I had a box of cookie mix, and added 8 oz of sour cream plus the butter it called for, well that was way to soupy so I added a box of brownie mix, and some baking powder.
I ended up with the best double chocolate cookies you can image.
So go ahead and experiment never know what you will get
My son has an egg allergy, so baking is always a treat, again see above there are many sources that tell me what I HAVE to do to replace an egg but I like thinking outside the box. This is where sour cream come in.
I was doing brownies for my daughter to take to school for her bday, and didn't have enough for the whole class. Well I had a box of cookie mix, and added 8 oz of sour cream plus the butter it called for, well that was way to soupy so I added a box of brownie mix, and some baking powder.
I ended up with the best double chocolate cookies you can image.
So go ahead and experiment never know what you will get
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Relationships 50/50 (my a@@)
Reading a post on a website. A parent was very angry, very angry at her situation in life. Her son is probably on the spectrum and she decided that she just doesn't like her husband. He doesn't do enough, he isn't there or at least she feels emotionally. She has taken to verbally berating him and now feels guilty for doing so. She admits that she loves him and she doesn't know why he allows her to treat him that way.
The responses back were maybe she needed to look at her and her expectations. My response was to the following. My husband works insane hours. He is up at 430 am and doesn't get home till 7pm or later. He works a very physically demanding job. He works 4 days a week totaling out to 50 hours a week.
I on the other hand work p/t in a very family friendly company. If a child is sick, I call in no repercussions. If school and daycare is closed and I have to be home, then so be it. If school is closed and I want to stay home, (why I have no clue) to something fun with the kids, it is encouraged.
When G's IEP meeting come up, I can leave early or come in late to attend them. Specialist appointments granted I attempt to make them around my work schedule, but that is not always possible.
Care of the house, my task. Grocery shopping, again my task, all appointments for the girls my task. Cooking, laundry, appointment setting, researching schools for the kids my task.
Now this sounds very lopsided reading it but it isn't. My husband does help out, but (and this is a huge but). I have to TELL him what needs to be done, otherwise he has no clue. It is not because he is an uncaring selfish ogre. He truly has no clue due to his working what goes on in the house every day. When he is home by himself on his day off, he cleans and catches up on the laundry, other things I leave him a do list. It is things that would never cross his mind.
I get angry at times, I get depressed, I hate that it is all me at times. (I do make the kids help out). But he is helping out another way, he is busting his ass working all the time. He doesn't like doing the research end of it and the dr appointments he gets flustered and has no clue what to say or ask.
The other thing about the thread was another person said you don't do 50/50 but you each give 110% of what that person is capable of giving. So granted her and my husband may not perform what we THINK they should preform. But I know for dam sure my husband gives 110 % all the time of what he is capable of doing.
That is what keeps us going with kids that require some extra help at times. (and a good drink now and again)
The responses back were maybe she needed to look at her and her expectations. My response was to the following. My husband works insane hours. He is up at 430 am and doesn't get home till 7pm or later. He works a very physically demanding job. He works 4 days a week totaling out to 50 hours a week.
I on the other hand work p/t in a very family friendly company. If a child is sick, I call in no repercussions. If school and daycare is closed and I have to be home, then so be it. If school is closed and I want to stay home, (why I have no clue) to something fun with the kids, it is encouraged.
When G's IEP meeting come up, I can leave early or come in late to attend them. Specialist appointments granted I attempt to make them around my work schedule, but that is not always possible.
Care of the house, my task. Grocery shopping, again my task, all appointments for the girls my task. Cooking, laundry, appointment setting, researching schools for the kids my task.
Now this sounds very lopsided reading it but it isn't. My husband does help out, but (and this is a huge but). I have to TELL him what needs to be done, otherwise he has no clue. It is not because he is an uncaring selfish ogre. He truly has no clue due to his working what goes on in the house every day. When he is home by himself on his day off, he cleans and catches up on the laundry, other things I leave him a do list. It is things that would never cross his mind.
I get angry at times, I get depressed, I hate that it is all me at times. (I do make the kids help out). But he is helping out another way, he is busting his ass working all the time. He doesn't like doing the research end of it and the dr appointments he gets flustered and has no clue what to say or ask.
The other thing about the thread was another person said you don't do 50/50 but you each give 110% of what that person is capable of giving. So granted her and my husband may not perform what we THINK they should preform. But I know for dam sure my husband gives 110 % all the time of what he is capable of doing.
That is what keeps us going with kids that require some extra help at times. (and a good drink now and again)
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Baby fever get a puppy
So my husband texted me one day stating that on facebook his aunt is looking for a home for 2 puppies. He says they are cute and shouldn't get to big, they are jack russel terrier and begal mix.
I decided that I could no longer be a hard meanie and say yes.
So we go get the puppy, and it is a very tiny thing. Very tiny, he is only 7 weeks old, (I already got flames from a social network for taking a dog that young). He weight maybe 3 lbs. We had to go to a pet store to buy a kitten harness for him.
The first night I was up 2x in order to take him out. Then he was lonely and didn't want to sleep alone. So we allow him to sleep with us. And he cuddles up to me. We unsucessfully attempt to get him to sleep on his own. He likes cuddling up to us.
People ask me how is the house breaking going, I say he has us trained quite well. We watch for his signs and if ignored he will go where ever he pleases.
When I get home from work everyday, I have to spend 10 minutes holding him and comforting him before he will go out and pee. It has become routine.
Now how have the kids adjusted, well at first it was great, then on day 3 he pooped in someones shoe (not mine :}). Now it is complaining that I took him out last, or she is hogging him. Then it is getting the 4 y/o not to pick him up, no he cannot sleep with you. No you do not need to share your food. The list goes on.
I really can't say I am dissappointed that we got him. There is adjustment, we can no longer just go away on no notice for the weekend.
It is like having a baby again
I decided that I could no longer be a hard meanie and say yes.
So we go get the puppy, and it is a very tiny thing. Very tiny, he is only 7 weeks old, (I already got flames from a social network for taking a dog that young). He weight maybe 3 lbs. We had to go to a pet store to buy a kitten harness for him.
The first night I was up 2x in order to take him out. Then he was lonely and didn't want to sleep alone. So we allow him to sleep with us. And he cuddles up to me. We unsucessfully attempt to get him to sleep on his own. He likes cuddling up to us.
People ask me how is the house breaking going, I say he has us trained quite well. We watch for his signs and if ignored he will go where ever he pleases.
When I get home from work everyday, I have to spend 10 minutes holding him and comforting him before he will go out and pee. It has become routine.
Now how have the kids adjusted, well at first it was great, then on day 3 he pooped in someones shoe (not mine :}). Now it is complaining that I took him out last, or she is hogging him. Then it is getting the 4 y/o not to pick him up, no he cannot sleep with you. No you do not need to share your food. The list goes on.
I really can't say I am dissappointed that we got him. There is adjustment, we can no longer just go away on no notice for the weekend.
It is like having a baby again
IEP time
Yeah its the most depressing time of the year. The time when the reports of just how bad your child looks on paper. The good report writers make it look oh so bad so your child can still get lots of help.
I have found as long as you are in constant contact with your child's teacher you will know that the report isn't as bad as it reads.
But wow it still reads bad. I know that my son is about 1 year behind his peers really I do know this. But to read it it hurts. To see his speech over all is at a 3 year old level. To see that his fine motor skills are at a 2 year old level that really hurt.
To see that his speech impedes him from developing friendships or just interacting with peers hurts. Well I guess there are lots of things that hurts when you have a child that gets an IEP
I have found as long as you are in constant contact with your child's teacher you will know that the report isn't as bad as it reads.
But wow it still reads bad. I know that my son is about 1 year behind his peers really I do know this. But to read it it hurts. To see his speech over all is at a 3 year old level. To see that his fine motor skills are at a 2 year old level that really hurt.
To see that his speech impedes him from developing friendships or just interacting with peers hurts. Well I guess there are lots of things that hurts when you have a child that gets an IEP
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